Sunday, October 19, 2008

Ticketbastard (or how AC/DC taught me to appreciate rape)

Yesterday, amidst the 12.5 hours of moving cinder blocks from one pile to another, I found the time to spend $417. On what you ask? Certainly nothing that will improve my mental health. No, I opted to charge a whole week's worth of shit work to my debit card for the only thing worth doing anymore - seeing fucking AC/DC in concert, October 30th, Allstate Arena, fuck (FUCK!) yeah.

It's not as much a concert as it is a religious experience. So, like a battered wife who just blocks out the fact that her husband is a dangerously violent alcoholic, I just won't think about why it cost me $417 dollars....that's right...$208.50 per ticket. Steve and I are the only ones with the financial fortitude and stupidity it seems to spend that kind of money on a rock concert. It's worth it right? It's AC-fucking-DC on what could possibly be their last American tour ever. Dude.

Now in the past I've paid 70 dollars to see The Who...and even 90 dollars to see the Rolling Stones, two fairly big why the fuck does AC/DC cost so much. On ticketmaster, at 10am yesterday when the tickets went on sale, there was only one price: $89.50. Needless to say, I couldn't get through - and after about 30 tries of "Your tickets could not be found", I jumped to Ticketfuckers affiliate Ticketsnow or something, the official "resale" site that is not officially endorsed by the band. Essentially, all the tickets are already paid for before the on-sale time to the general public. Paying only 90 dollars? Mere pipe dreams, my boy. You have to pay jacked up resale prices (like I did) to find a fucking seat. In the end, I had to settle for 2 $175 tickets, the cheapest I could get at ticketsnow.

Then...why is my final price $417? Oh don't be stupid, silly. Convenience charges! I logged on to their website out of my own free will, and as a dubious reward, I should be righteously fucked out of another 50 dollars. It doesn't end there, though. Let's not forget the heavy charge of mailing two paper tickets to my apartment. That's another 20 dollars right there. Even if you go to a in-person Ticketmaster vendor, you still are charged a convenience fee. What the fuck is so convenient about having to drive down to a Tower Records or Jewel Osco to get tickets? You can't buy from the venue directly, so do you have any other choices? NO! You're fucked. Any way you slice the pie, it still gets loaded into a shotgun and blasted right up your ass. Blueberry sphincter, that's what they'll call you.

I ignore these bombardments of thought, however. It's AC/DC, the last band left on my "Why do you make lists about concerts you're attending, jackass?" list. I can't be angry with them. Well, I suppose if their show isn't the audio/visual equivalent of the apocalypse crossed with all the hype and hoopla of the final (and moving) episode of Cheers, I will take to the streets. Waving burning ticket stubs and demanding a refund of the small fortune I spent on them.

To AC/DC, I love you - don't let me down like a woman. To Ticketmaster, I will get my money back you fat wristed wallet fuckers. I will get all of it back and more. You're fucking 'ticketsnow' resale scam is going to hit a fucking brick wall. They're gonna rename the state of Kansas "How bad Josh fucked up Ticketmaster" when I get done with your filthy shit stained cock mongrel asses.

But no, seriously, AC/DC, you're still cool.

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