Tuesday, September 18, 2012

My All Purpose Solution to Drug Addiction

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?

If a drug addict has no one to burden with their horseshit, do they fucking matter?


I'm not going to type a catch-all guide to brain repair for people with drug problems. I don't fucking know how to rewire someone's brain synapses. I'm going to write out a solution for YOU, the person who has to deal with the shitty behavior of a drug addict. Maybe they were your relative. Maybe they are a friend. Maybe you even got duped into dating one. Do yourself a Darwinian favor...


Don't get all fucking humanitarian and altruistic and think you can amend this person. If a person's brain stem is severed, they lose motor function. You can't teach them back into walking. Similarly, the case for 'drug addition' is a case closed scenario. Some people are just wired to love things like drugs, alcohol, sex, work...more than anything else. If it bothers you OR affects your life that much, just leave. If you live somewhere shitty and you are unhappy, just move. It's that simple. Pull the trigger. Pack your shit, gas up the car and get the fuck out. Form new relationships with people who aren't inconveniencing you. It's that simple. Hell, even if its your mom. She's addicted to happy pills. POOF! Sorry, mom! GONE!

I'm only trying to save you future trouble. You won't listen to me of course. If you are set in your ways of being an enabler to your shitty drug addled constituents...then much like your addicted brother, sister, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend or roommate....you are not going to change. Enjoy the drudgery of a life where you have basically relinquished your independence and control. Drug addicts are notorious for bad punctuality so let's see how late they are to your funeral. They probably won't even show up.

Because they love DRUGS! Not YOU!

Pack up your shit and move on...or suffer some hilarious (to me) consequences.

It's your funeral.

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