Sunday, August 7, 2011

Guess who's holding the dynamite?

I quit that fucking job.

So here we go again, Universe. You, me and the infinite.

Your move, fucker.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Nice to meet you, Annihilation

I'm sitting at work right now.

Bored.

Contemplating.

I'm fairly convinced that even though things have been shitty for a while now, they are about to get a lot worse. Like burning alive but still flinching because someone is about to stab you. It would be nice if all this punishment would somehow cancel each other out. Then I could return to some sort of normal state. Not the case, however. It's going to continue in this aggressively unremarkable style. The only fashion sense reality seems to know. I wish the knife would push in and we could get this all over with. At least that would be dramatic and somewhat glorious.

Instead all I get is death by average. A long assembly line of death by average. Genocide by average if you will. Mediocrity, obscurity and absurdity. With a splash of unwarranted disappointment. Because you should have never expected anything more in the first place.

I have band practice tonight. That's comforting. It's been too long and I've got a lot to say.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Who needs re-runs when you got the box set?

I live in an infinite loop of insanity where the same behaviors get repeated and beget the same horrible consequences. A never ending loop of two fun-house mirrors facing each other. Each additional dimension more warped than the one before. 5 years ago may as well be 5 years from now. It is terrifying in concept but absolute madness in reality. A cancerous blob that absorbs all my new life experiences and twists them into the same counterproductive mass of spiritual waste. I am driving down a road and I keep passing the same mailbox. I cannot move forward. I cannot pass Go. I cannot collect 200 dollars. It is a living, breathing malevolence that wraps itself around my shoulders like an albatross. I have to make myself laugh to block out its laughter. That of which follows me into my dreams and snickers as I visualize realities of progression and accomplishment. I then wake to its sour breath of morning, where all potential has been exterminated. I repeat this cycle everyday. Like my own personal Flying Dutchman, sailing the high seas of oblivion.

It is a waking fucking nightmare.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Perfect Rendezvous

Another poem - you still are not allowed to laugh.
--------------------

"Perfect Rendezvous"

She was supposed to meet me at 10:30
She didn't
I knew she wouldn't
but I spent my money
and showed up
and waited
because I knew she wouldn't
and I like being right

She was supposed to meet me
the next night
She didn't
She was supposed to meet me
in New York
She didn't
She was supposed to meet me
at the altar
She didn't

I showed up
I waited
because I like being right

I'm always right
it's easy
when everybody else
isn't me
and their words
could be folded up
like paper airplanes
and sent into the breeze
blowing around
with leaves and spiders
and other things
that carry no weight
except poison

She was supposed to meet me again
somewhere
I think it was tonight
or tomorrow
or yesterday
I don't remember
It doesn't matter
maybe she can spend some money
and show up
and wait

Then I could do her the favor
of making her feel
like she was right
everybody deserves
to be right
for once
but that isn't her
because she isn't me
and she can't make
a promise
worth keeping
or an explanation
I'd ever believe

so somewhere tonight
a table will stay empty
a waiter won't get annoyed
with my complicated order
and a busboy
won't have to mop up
a spilled glass of wine
and other patrons
won't be annoyed
by an obnoxious
conversation
she'll get to stay at home
making up stories
I'll stay at home
waiting to hear them

she won't have
to apologize this time
because somewhere
there is a table
that stayed empty
and quiet
where two people
never appeared
and a perfect
rendezvous
was finally
achieved

at a table somewhere
empty
and quiet
like me

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Last Rites for Those Who Died Laughing

If the best art comes from suffering, then as an artist I am sort of an 'ambassador of suffering'. I get to remind you of the worst day of your life - then sing a song about it. This pleases me immensely. I couldn't think of a better occupation. Ambassador of suffering. Here to dispel crooked wisdom through cynical prose and the vibration of rusty metal strings. The best part is that if I do it really well, you'll cheer for me. You'll cheer for your own battered experiences, bitterness and plague of insecurities. I'll hand you a general admission ticket to your own personal hell and you'll try to get as close to the stage as possible.

Because that means I must be making good art.

And good art comes from suffering.

But you wouldn't know that.

If you weren't suffering.

Haha.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Strings

Ok, so I wrote a poem. Don't laugh.
------------------------------------------

Have you ever had a guitar?
Have you ever had to string a guitar?
Most guitarists hate it
It's the closest thing to labor
a musician is willing to do
Because just when everything sounds right
Something happens
And you have to start all over again
Kinda like a relationship

You have your guitar
She sounds wonderful
She feels and plays just as you'd want her to
But you get a little lazy
Maybe a little rough
And suddenly that low E
Snaps back at you
Like you insulted its mother

Then you find yourself
Sauntering over to the music store
You don't want to be there
The clerk doesn't want to be there
But you suck it up
And pluck your money on the table
They don't have the exact strings
You had before
Instead you have to settle for pack
That looks the most like
Your old strings

You walk back home
unsure if you made the right purchase
and you begin your new struggle
sliding them up the neck
tightening, loosening and tightening
as it refuses to cooperate
Sometimes you just give up after a while
You walk back down the street
Have a cigarette
and stare at your new blisters
because the damn strings
are still brand new
and feel like barbed wire

You compose yourself
and resume the challenge
after a few weeks
and many hours
the strings settle in
and start to behave themselves
you can bang the guitar around
and it stays in tune
you're pleasantly surprised
you almost forget about
the pair you had before this one

everything snaps and pops
as it should
your friends even mention
how nice it plays
and you actually feel some pride
for those damned strings
because you put the time in
and the love
seems to come back to you
as easy as the next chord

so you get a little lazy
and a few months pass
and those brand new strings
are getting that special mix
of grease and rust
that strings like to do
but you don't mind
that they're starting to sound poor
they're comfortable
and familiar
and already there

but the day comes along
in the middle of a jam
just when you thought
everything was fine
when that low E
or high E,
or maybe the A
whips itself back at you
just like your old pair did
and every mistake you ever made
with a pair of guitar strings
you are instantly reminded of

about how you were too lazy
too selfish
too reckless
too proud
too ignorant to know
what those strings needed
until they broke
right in front of you
right in your hands
and how you knew it would happen
the split second
before it happened

now you find yourself
at the music store
with a clerk
who seems more like a bartender
that doesn't want to hear your story
about how you need
a new pair of strings
that will sound like
your old pair of strings
because no matter
what you come home with
nothing will sound like
your old pair of strings

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Interview from SleazeRoxx.com

Welcome to the 4th episode of the increasingly popular "Local Heroes" segment. Its the part of the show where we profile one of our very own Sleaze Roxxians and their own music.

This week we chat with the ever talented, and hilariously funny, musical genius that we all know and love as Joshua A.D.!!


Joshua A.D., welcome to Local Heroes!

Hello!

We are not all from LA, so we haven't seen you doing your magic, so as an intro tell us a bit of who you are.

I'm not from LA either, thank christ. I originally grew up north of Baltimore, Maryland on a horse farm. Pretty boring. I was about 30 minutes from Baltimore, an hour south of Philadelphia, 3 hours south of New York City and an hour and a half north of Washington. You'd think it would be interesting but it really wasn't. I moved away when I was 17 to New Orleans for college. Spent 5 amazing years there, did 10 months hanging in Chicago and then made the Maryland to California cross country drive last summer.

That's just locations. If you want to know "who I am"...read on I suppose...

So what is your band? What are you doing musically at present?

My band is Joshua A.D., my first ever venture into being a "solo" artist. It's sloppy hard rock, punky I guess, with a sense of humor about itself. It's both intentional and unintentional. I write serious songs about things I think about, but at the same time I can't take anything seriously. So onstage playing original music for strangers, I have always devolved into humor. It's like the lowest common denominator in entertainment. I always get good feedback, and it takes a lot of pressure off. The band's music is like The Dictators meets Thin Lizzy meets AC/DC and Motorhead. I'm by no means a good musician, so the humor takes the edge of that. Bands often do that to insulate themselves to criticism. I guess that's true for me as well. But even when I played in serious bands it was always more fun to make the audience laugh. 75% of the time they can't hear the words or understand the songs live anyway.

Very cool HMJ, lets talk live shows - what is a HMJ gig like?

All fun, no pressure. I want to actively engage whoever is watching the band. A lot of times bands can switch into live-auto pilot. They pull off the poses and the songs, but they're just not really 'there' you know? I write new jokes and skits and segues for each show. That's done so if someone in the back of the bar is trying to ignore the band, I'm throwing different shit out there besides music to get their attention. It works. Even if they go back to ignoring me once the next song starts. At least they heard SOMETHING I said. Being a performer is inherently desiring attention. It's about ego for most. It's more philosophical for me. "HEY LOOK I EXIST! AND I INTERACTED WITH YOU!"

So it's a whole show of music/comedy that pulls everyone into being self-aware of 'rock music'. I try to take that delicate mystique of music and shatter it. It's more honest and funnier that way.

Do you do any of your comedy in your routine? We know you are the forums premier funny man.

It's hard to detect the sarcasm here when it's in text and in an interview that was emailed to me. But yeah, see my above answer. You have to be funny. I've played in metal bands where you bludgeon your audience with heavier content. It's not fun. You can't expect strangers to get off on that.

Here's an example of a joke I do live. We finish a song and I say "Hmm, that one didn't sound quite right. Let us consult the big book of rock n roll music theory." Then I hold up a playboy magazine and study it. "Ahh, here's what we did wrong...we played that C diminished and these Cs are clearly augmented." Yeah, sounds silly, but it always gets a giggle from someone. Even if it's just the bartender.

How long have you been doing this & what is a highlight for you?

The solo "Joshua A.D." band started in January 2010. I had given myself months to get situated once I moved out to Los Angeles. Prior to that I was in a punk band Urban Search & Destroy in New Orleans and Chicago that fizzled out in November 2008. Writing duties in that were split 50/50 but since my songs had their own sense of humor to them compared to the other guy's...it made sense that one day I should just do it myself. That's where I got a taste for comedy in rock music. Before that I was in a metal band called Exigence that recorded lots of demos and played parties - but Hurricane Katrina fucked it all up and half the band formed a death metal band shortly there after.

Before that was a classic rock cover band I had with high school friends in Baltimore. Zeppelin, Beatles, Floyd and all that usual stuff. Typical 'first band' experience.

What are your hopes for your musical career?

Absolutely none. I am well aware most people won't like the songs I write, especially considering how I sing them. I get off more on the whole "entertaining" thing, and taking a room full of people who don't give a shit but suddenly feel compelled to applaud. It's like winning. Being successful in music is just like any other job. You have know the right people and get a lot of favors done. Friends of mine run in that racket. It seems like more stress than fun to me. My band and I laugh onstage. I encourage that. Shitty sound? Who cares! If you're having fun, people sense it. They can sense bullshit too.

The whole goal of Joshua A.D. is just to put myself out there in the L.A. scene. I offer a pretty unique experience and I might as well get out while I'm young and try.

You've got guts to do what you do - especially the stand up comedy - do you get much negativity & if so how do you deal with it?

Only online. Where it is easiest to throw stones. Among friends, everyone loves it. They do because they know that I love it. It's pure fun. Believe it or not, audiences love it - especially other bands. I often get the "I can't believe you do this stuff" reaction, but in a good way. The off the wall nature of it is what keeps in interesting. If I was just your regular rock musician, I'd feel pretty lost. Cutting out a clear identity for yourself is the hardest part - but once you got it down, you're golden. And the best part is, only you need to feel that way.

Any music for sale? How do we check you guys out?

All of our live rehearsal demos will be up at http://www.reverbnation.com/joshuaad for anyone. If and when we get the money to go into a studio to record regular demos or an album (which we can easily do, we have 10 original songs ready to roll) then I'd simply give it away for free. It's not about selling CDs or t-shirts. I have a day job, and acting as musician/performer is a hobby. I get off on having people tell me how much they laughed at something or what song they really like. That's all that matters. In this day and age, you can't ask for much more. I wish the god damn concerts were all free, but the promoter would kill me.

You're in LA, in the clubs, rockin on - what is the scene like for Glam Rock these days?

I guess it's fine. You have to remember that most young bands gigging in LA take their shit to heart. They are trying to make it and get noticed. That doesn't leave a lot of room for scenes and friends. In other cities, yeah definitely, but In LA everyone is kinda out for blood. Not always, but you get that feeling. A lot of the musicians are kinda dicks too. That's why I love what I do. It's like showing up to a funeral with a birthday cake.

But it's just with people in my age range, their 20s, and such. Older guys are always cool and laid back. So I guess at one time there was a kick ass scene going on. Maybe there still is. Honestly, I have not gotten out there that much. Once I am regularly gigging in Hollywood I will get back to you.

We love the people who are out there doing it - any advice for the young viewers at home?

I cannot stress this whole 'have fun' bit enough. So many people into playing music don't seem to. They want to appear fun and cool and crazy. But they're not. So if you're going out with your band...just be honest with who you are and what you want to do in a performing sense. Once you got that, ENGAGE your audience. Be borderline combative with them and other bands. You got to give people a reason to care. When I am at a local show....I really DON'T care....so fucking come at me with something. No fear, no regrets, blah blah blah...

What is next up for the Band?

We are playing this Saturday at Harper's in Tarzana, CA. After that...more gigs that are TBA. Recording a demo and album would be nice too. I'd love to get out of the Valley and down to San Diego for some shows. My style is very niche it seems, so simply getting exposed to as many people as possible is the highest priority. I suck at networking and promotion....so that's an uphill both ways kinda battle.

Who is in your band?

The band name is Joshua A.D. - I sing and play bass, write all the songs, plan out the shows, and so on. My cohorts are Justin Salmons (from Dallas, TX) on guitar and Stefano Ashbridge (from Utah) on drums. They do an awesome job tolerating my ideas.

I also do a weekly podcast @ http://www.noantennaneeded.com as just another way to 'get out there' to speak.

I'd also like to say thanks to you, Easy. I never get to do stuff like this. Even at a small scale.

Joshua A.D. - It's been a pleasure, love your work man!!!